“Celebrate the Birth of Your Nation By Blowing Up a Small Part of It!”

The Rockets' Red Glare over Oakland, 2009

Now we know what it's like to live in Baghdad.

After spending the last two nights listening to the soundtrack of a war movie, all I can say is, how could so many people be so unclear on the concept of "illegal fireworks?" Aside from the constant assault on the eardrums, the danger of maiming and dismemberment, and even the possibility of starting a fire that could destroy one's neighborhood, why do some Oaklanders think it's okay to keep the rest of us awake into the wee hours of the morning with their M-320s?

I confess that, in my younger days, I thought it was fun to set off a few firecrackers and light some sparklers on the Fourth of July. Why, we were even known to set off the occasional Roman candle.

But all of that pales in comparison to the artillery barrage we have witnessed this past weekend in Oakland – and one can only guess what it would have been like if the city's police and fire departments were not supposedly enforcing a "zero tolerance" policy. Mixed with what could only have been occasional bursts of automatic gunfire, there were non-stop explosions audible last night until well after one a.m. Some of the blasts sounded like dynamite charges. What's next, C-4?

Perhaps this is what we get for not having any "official" fireworks display in the city this year – the traditional Jack London Square show having fallen victim to the budget axe. But then again, these imbeciles would probably have their own fireworks show even if the city's display was in their living room. (Which might not be a bad idea, incidentally…)

Lest you think I'm some kind of Independence Day killjoy, I will tell you that I went to my usual spot in the Oakland hills last night to watch and photograph the San Francisco fireworks, which were mercifully only obscured by smog this year, rather than fog. It's just that I feel that 25 minutes of fireworks are sufficient, thank you.