“The Unbearable Lightness of Funny Bitterness”

"Good news, everyone!"

Yes, we all knew the bloodbath was coming, but who knew that it would be so… bloody?

Now, I'm no media expert, but I am pretty sure that changing the name of the newspaper(s) to make them more appealing to all parts of the geographic spectrum probably ensures that you will endear them to no one. After all, I live in the East Bay, but do I think of myself as an East Bay-ite –oid –ian? No, I think of myself as an Oaklander. Preferably, I would like to get my news from a paper that identifies itself as Oakland-based. Even though I frequently avail myself of the stories in the San Francisco Comical, I do so with the knowledge that they are out-of-towners who care little for me other than my subscription dollars. Unless Oakland burns to the ground, I suspect that the Comical will lead its paper with some event that transpired on the streets of the Baghdad by the Bay.

Meanwhile the East Bay Tribune… I'm sorry, I just threw up in my mouth typing those words. The E.B. Tribune will emphasize the news of the… East Bay?

If you are a Bay Area resident, you are aware that the East Bay is a huge geographical area, comprising the cities of Oakland, Berkeley, Alameda, Piedmont, San Leandro, Hayward, Castro Valley, Pleasanton, Sunol, Union City, Fremont, Newark, El Cerrito, El Sobrante, Richmond, Kensington, Albany, Hercules, Orinda, Lafayette, Moraga, Walnut Creek, Concord, San Ramon, Danville, Alamo, Livermore and Dublin, just to name the ones closest to the San Francisco Bay. The residents of Martinez, Rodeo, Benicia, Vallejo, Clayton, Blackhawk, Brentwood, Discovery Bay, Rio Vista and (especially) Mountainhouse, having the read the previous sentence, are incensed at having been forgotten. This is a perfect illustration of why the E.B. Tribune concept is doomed to failure.

The Oakland Tribune has a proud history, dating from its start more than 137 years ago, including two Pulitzer Prizes for photography. It's hard to believe that we will abandon that pedigree simply to make the paper nominally more appealing to the readers who are, according to management, apparently afraid that Oakland moniker will... I dunno – break into their homes and steal their big screen TVs? "Oh, dear God! It's the Oakland Tribune! Somebody stop it before our property values go down!"

Meanwhile, the name change is the least of our worries – it's the accompanying 120 layoffs that are what really keep me up at night. Can I really survive another round of layoffs? What is this, my 18^th since arriving here in 1990? How can there be anyone left to eliminate and yet still have personnel with which to publish a paper? Are we using Chinese prison labor?

Well, if I start writing a blog entry every day after October 28, you'll know that my luck – and, if you actually deign to read this drivel, yours – has run out.

Until then… savor your Oakland Tribune.

P.S.: Thanks to the lovely and talented AP staff photographer Marcio Jose Sanchez for the inspired title of today's entry.