The Pride of Pequannock

Derek Jeter in 1996

Some of you may have noticed – and I assume that most of those of whom I'm speaking here are, in fact, inmates at a prison for the criminally insane – that Derek Jeter, shortstop for the New York Chubbywallets and erstwhile All-Star, slipped a couple of balls past the Tampa Bay Slurpee™ Drinkers' laconic defense yesterday and thus became the 27th Major Leaguer to accumulate 3,000 or more hits.

Lest you wonder how it is that I came to be aware of this revolting development, please remember that I do pretend to cover the news; also, I have four [reputed] family members who follow the Chubbywallets in a less-than-casual fashion. Their untoward caterwauling at the moment Mr. Jeter achieved this milestone was unavoidable, even from 3,000 miles away.

Let's be frank: Mr. Jeter is a fine ballplayer; certainly, as Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Comical wrote today, a first-ballot Hall of Famer. But, as Mr. Ostler also wrote, the idea that Mr. Jeter could have won all those championships – or, indeed, even had the opportunity to achieve the 3,000-hit plateau – without the complement of the very expensive machine that is the Chubbywallets' perennially star-studded roster is far-fetched, to say the least. The supporting cast at Chubbywallet Stadium, either the old or the new version, is such that many a player has seemed just that much better as a result. Unlimited resources will do that for a team.

I'm more impressed by players like Tony Gwynn or Carl Yastrzemski – players who excelled despite the relative weakness of their respective teams. Let's see Derek get his 3,000 hits playing for Pittsburgh, shall we? He probably wouldn't even have 3,000 plate appearances yet.

Still, because I'm not a hater (so far as you know, that is), I extend my congratulations to Mr. Jeter, and remind him that he still has to get another 181 hits to catch Cal Ripken, Jr.

The Dream of the Blue Umbrellas

Henlopen Acres Beach Club on a perfect summer day

Not that I don't love California, but…

 I can hardly wait to get back to Rehoboth Beach and sprawl on the warm sands by the Atlantic.

The countdown has started.

“Celebrate the Birth of Your Nation By Blowing Up a Small Part of It!”

The Rockets' Red Glare over Oakland, 2009

Now we know what it's like to live in Baghdad.

After spending the last two nights listening to the soundtrack of a war movie, all I can say is, how could so many people be so unclear on the concept of "illegal fireworks?" Aside from the constant assault on the eardrums, the danger of maiming and dismemberment, and even the possibility of starting a fire that could destroy one's neighborhood, why do some Oaklanders think it's okay to keep the rest of us awake into the wee hours of the morning with their M-320s?

I confess that, in my younger days, I thought it was fun to set off a few firecrackers and light some sparklers on the Fourth of July. Why, we were even known to set off the occasional Roman candle.

But all of that pales in comparison to the artillery barrage we have witnessed this past weekend in Oakland – and one can only guess what it would have been like if the city's police and fire departments were not supposedly enforcing a "zero tolerance" policy. Mixed with what could only have been occasional bursts of automatic gunfire, there were non-stop explosions audible last night until well after one a.m. Some of the blasts sounded like dynamite charges. What's next, C-4?

Perhaps this is what we get for not having any "official" fireworks display in the city this year – the traditional Jack London Square show having fallen victim to the budget axe. But then again, these imbeciles would probably have their own fireworks show even if the city's display was in their living room. (Which might not be a bad idea, incidentally…)

Lest you think I'm some kind of Independence Day killjoy, I will tell you that I went to my usual spot in the Oakland hills last night to watch and photograph the San Francisco fireworks, which were mercifully only obscured by smog this year, rather than fog. It's just that I feel that 25 minutes of fireworks are sufficient, thank you.